I am writing this issue after coming from an NLP training seminar and something has been brought to my attention, congruence. Many of you will know what I mean when I talk about congruence but some won't, so I will write this issue as if you don't know what the word means.

I could define the term as "harmonious in character", but then you would not really understand how and why it applies to communication. Since I am all about results and things that you can use in the real world as opposed to mere theory and philosophy, I will put it into context and give you an idea of the importance of congruence.

What was covered indirectly in Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was a chapter on giving people compliments and making those you come in contact with feel good for no reason other than to leave someone feeling good.

Although many people may not see the purpose of this and what they can "gain" from this, there is much to be gained indirectly and if nothing else, it will make you feel good. Ok, so this may seem all nice and dandy but what really is the purpose and what does it have to do with congruence?

Well we can make someone feel great for no good reason and then all go skipping through the tulips but this in itself is not going to change the world. The point of this though is not just to feel warm and fuzzy.

In the book, and many others like it, it mentions the point about compliments but it specifies that it needs to be honest and sincere. Well many people, not you but other people, might be thinking that you can just blow sunshine up their rear end so to speak.

In other words, throw them some insincere flattery and you will have the world in your hands. This is not how the human brain is rigged, it needs congruence on an unconscious level.

Have you ever had the experience where someone said something to you and you got an entirely different message than what the actual words were implying? Of course you have, but why?

The simple answer is that the words said one thing but everything else told you something different. Are we mind readers? Well in a way yes we are. It's not the words that we tend to respond to, they just add content and a conscious understanding to what was said.

When a person communicates they send out subtle signals through their physiology and other things that are not detected by the conscious mind. This is why many people get frustrated with their life and can't seem to figure out why they are not getting the results they want.

It's like when you meet someone who acts really nice and then you walk away thinking "I don't know what it is but I just don't trust that guy". This is because he was not congruent with his words.

So how does this apply to your life? Well maybe you're trying to portray a certain message and image to the world and you say and do all the right things but still seem to struggle. This becomes frustrating because you don't what is holding you back.

The problem is simply that you are not aligned internally and externally. Your intentions and inner thoughts are projected in the subtlest of ways, so subtle that even others can't really be precise what it is that you're doing wrong, but they just know what message they are receiving.

So the message here is to align yourself to your intentions. Be congruent because the message that people are really getting is the one you're projecting from internally.

Have you ever met a person that seemed really nice, really self assured in their language but you got the impression that they are depressed, hostile, sly or anything else that they don't portray on the outside?

The answer to the above question is most certainly yes. Don't be the person that says one thing but sends a different signal.

I will be running a seminar early in 2008 that is dedicated to aligning you to your identity, becoming the person you want to be. I will be using some of the most cutting edge Neurological Remapping techniques to really make it congruent on every level.

It's not the sort of seminar that pumps you up and tells you how to reach your goals etc. I mean, those seminars are great but if there is a mismatch there, then it causes conflict and success and happiness become a struggle. Once you completely align your identity to the sort of life you want, it no longer becomes a tough struggle, it loosens up the resistance and drives you unconsciously towards your outcomes.

It works by working through what I call the Neurological Cycle. This goes from the most superficial and external things right up to identity and everything in between. The truth is that each one affects the others in a cyclical fashion and if you are stuck in the same loop then you will only produce the same results. Somewhere along the way you have either break the loop and repattern it neurologically or strengthen it on the same level.

Anyhow, enough of that for now, that's a topic for a later date.

Have an outstanding day and remember, if you want to make someone feel great for no good reason, make sure you notice something about that person that you can honestly and sincerely compliment. In fact, it would be a good idea to practice noticing little things about people that are unique and special qualities, then not only will you brighten their experience of the world but you will train your own sensory acuity to notice what's good instead of what's bad.

To your health, wealth and happiness,

Chris Lyons.
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