Do not complain. Sounds simple enough doesn't it? What I am referring to is a chapter in Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" called "don't criticise, condemn or complain.
Before I go into that I would like to mention something that has ocurred to me recently...
Some principles and tools that you will learn about from various personal development and human performance sources will be rather complex. There are some things that I teach in face to face situations like seminars, one on one etc that can't even be explained on the written page, they need to be experienced.
These processes are the ones that have taken me years to learn and develop. Then there is the other side, the stuff you will learn that seems unbelievably simple. Sometimes there are things that will seem so simple that you may just shrug them off as being so obvious that they would never work.
Here's an example; one of the really simple tools I give people from time to time is something I learned from Tony Robbins. Don't let any negative thought linger in your mind for any more than a few seconds. When you start to worry, get angry, depressed, frustrated etc, just break your pattern and put yourself into a more empowering state, do this for ten days. If you slip up and indulge in a negative state then start the ten days again from the next morning.
That's the advice, sounds simple, so simple that some people won't even try it. So many people will say things like, "if it were that simple I would have done it". But of all these simple things to do to change your life, how many have you really done? I mean really really applied?
Most often there are powerful ways available to you to radically improve your life but you don't really and truly apply them with 100% commitment. What if you did all the things in your life that you know you should do but don't do? I guarantee you would have an awesome life.
Now back to the communication topic. Do not complain...
How often do we get caught up in our own lives that we forget that other people can feel the same as us? People make mistakes, people are stupid sometimes and not everyone will have the same motivations in life as you.
Whenever someone does something that you don't like, what is the first response? Most often you will either get angry and rude with them, sometimes you might just shake your head or maybe you even nag and complain at them and tell them how stupid and incompetent they are.
This is human nature, even if you don't say anything and do anything because you're the pleasant type, I guarantee the person on the other end of the communication has felt your condemnation.
So what is the message? Whenever someone does something you don't like such as, a waitress in a restaurant who stuffs up your order, not once but twice, then spills red wine all over your new pants, don't yell at her and tell her how stupid she is, try to reassure her that it is just an accident.
This sort of thing is hard to do but the rewards will pay off, trust me, I've been there. Think of it this way...
Have you ever met someone with mind blowing charisma? I mean someone who just stands out even when they don't say anything or do anything? There are just some people who have an energy and presence about them that really lights up a room.
This is the person that leaves a trail of positive energy behind, they leave an impact wherever they go. If you follow up from being congruent with a simple strategy like this one you will stand out from everyone else.
Imagine leaving someone buzzing after coming in contact with you. Imagine leaving everyone in a trance after they have spoken with you. Well that's what will happen if you never criticise, condemn or complain.
There are ways to deal with things other than the same old primal instinct to fight. What about instead of an argument you decided to tell the other person that they have an incredible mind? What would happen if you did that?
The old saying goes, "you can get more flies with honey that you can with vinegar". That is so true and it serves as a great metaphor for dealing with people.
Make your world come alive and stand out from everyone else's. Do not complain at anyone, never criticise people and never argue just so you can be right. This doesn't mean that you have to take crap. Use your imagination, there are plenty of ways you can accomplish this without always being in submission.
Next issue I will be bringing another great communication tip from the same book. These principles are really simple and may seem obvious but if you truly apply them and condition yourself till it becomes automatic, you will have charisma that it beyond your wildest dreams. Try it and see. No, I mean really do it, don't just give a half assed attempt at it.
To your health, wealth and happiness,
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