The secret to a fun life: The Child Ego StateThe child ego state contains all the impulses that come naturally to children, obviously. We all have this instinctive state within us on some level. Sometimes we find ourselves arguing about the silliest of things or maybe you can’t wait to get off work to go out bowling with your friends. I know I have a strong child ego state, it’s what keeps me sane. I mean imagine if you only acted logically and adult-like every single day, life would be boring wouldn’t it? So what are ego states anyway?Ego states are the states we possess to deal with certain aspects of our lives. In Gestalt therapy it is categorised into three states: The parent ego state: This is the state that generally re-runs old advice and thought patterns from your parents. It is the judgemental, prejudicial state, it is also the nurturing and caring state. The adult ego state: The adult ego state is the one that thinks logically, analytically and the objective gathering of information. This state is the one you access when you are not thinking on an emotional level. It’s the objective state that tells you to be realistic and don’t make rash decisions. The child ego state: Obviously this state is the subject of this page and I have briefly discussed it above. This state is responsible for emotional decisions, the urge to have fun, it’s the state that allows you to dream big dreams and generally just think like a child. All of these states are useful and there are not relative to age. You develop these states as a child. This can be seen in a 3 year old girl playing dollies (parent ego state) or the 40 year old man who wants to play darts with his mates (child ego state). All three states are important to function in this world.
So what is the message of this page? What practical advice does it serve?There are two messages to take away from this page, they apply both to yourself as an adult and to the way you raise or influence children… Firstly, you need to indulge your child ego state, if you don’t you may slowly send yourself mad or at least frustrated. This is a natural state and should be accessed in order to get away from your so-called perceived reality. Dream big, have fun, laugh, be spontaneous and spend some time not thinking about all the stresses and obligations of you responsible adult life. The second piece of advice is for your interactions with children. Encourage them to dream big, if they say they want to build a rocket ship you say “great, now what do we need to launch it into space?” Indulge their conversations that make no sense to you, act as if you understand everything and you are hanging on their every word. Allow and encourage them to have fun, if they spill a carton of milk then let them play in it before you clean it up. Basically just be a kid from time to time and let your kids be kids. Your life and your children’s lives will be richer for it. Indulge in that child ego state and see how it feels. I would love to hear of your experiences with the child ego state, so feel free to contact me using the form below and share some of your experiences, we can both have a big laugh. Stop taking every moment so seriously and live a little. Set aside some time to be a kid. Start today by jumping in a puddle, walk up to someone in the street and make a stupid sound, kick a soccer ball around the backyard, play a game with your spouse, play a light hearted practical joke on your best friend, anything to get you to associate to the child ego state, even for just five minutes.
Return home from child ego state
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